We’ve all been there.
Your kid walks into the gym, shoulders tight, stomach in knots, eyes flicking to the clock, and you just know they’re freaking out.
Nervousness isn’t just “pre‑match jitters.” When it gets out of control, it can turn into performance anxiety, rush their thoughts, disrupt breathing, spike stress hormones, and literally block their ability to compete the way they train, even in kids who are technically more skilled than their opponent.
But here’s the good news.
Nerves are not the enemy.
They’re a signal, kids care. They want to do well. The trick is not to eliminate nerves, but to teach kids how to control what they can and let go of what they can’t. Here’s how:
1. Teach Them What’s Actually In Their Control
Kids worry about the scoreboard. They worry about what the crowd thinks. They worry about you watching.
But there are only a few things they actually control:
- Their preparation
- Their mindset
- Their breath
- Their routines
Everything else, opponent skill, referees, crowd noise, outcomes, is outside their control. When we coach them to focus only on what they can control, anxiety drops fast.
Say this to them:
“You don’t have to be fearless, you just have to be prepared.”
2. Breath is Performance Fuel, Not Just Calm
Deep breathing isn’t “meditation fluff.”
Here’s a trick elite performers use:
- Inhale for 4 seconds
- Hold for 2
- Exhale for 6 seconds
Repeat 3-5 times.
This slows heart rate, resets the nervous system, and gets oxygen where it’s needed, in the brain and muscles. Kids who practice this regularly perform better under pressure because their bodies aren’t stuck in fight‑or‑flight mode.
Practice this outside of competition so it becomes automatic when they’re nervous.
3. Use Visualization, But the RIGHT Kind
Visualization isn’t daydreaming.
It’s mental rehearsal.
Have your child imagine:
- Walking into the arena
- Feeling calm and confident
- Going through moves they’ve drilled 1000 times
- Recovering from a mistake without panic
This primes the brain and slows down anxiety, because the body doesn’t see the competition as a surprise anymore.
4. Build a Pre‑Match Routine, Not a Reaction
Kids who do the same prep every time are less anxious because their brain goes into autopilot.
Routines might include:
- A specific warm‑up
- A breathing drill
- A simple mantra (“I’ve prepared. I trust my training.”)
- A favorite song
- A pre‑match snack
When you repeat the same steps, the brain says:
“I’ve done this before. This is familiar.”
And that helps control nerves.
5. Teach Smart Self‑Talk
The voice in their head matters.
Replace:
- “I hope I don’t mess up.”
with
- “I’m ready. I trust my training.”
Research shows that cognitive reframing, changing the way thoughts are interpreted, can reduce performance stress and improve confidence.
Encourage them to say:
“I’m excited, not afraid.”
Even Olympic athletes use this trick. I used this trick.
6. Your Reactions Matter More Than You Think
Here’s a truth bomb:
Kids feed off your energy.
If you’re anxious, they will feel it. If you’re worried about the outcome, they’ll internalize that.
Instead:
- Stay calm
- Model confidence
- Validate their feelings without amplifying fear
- Focus praise on effort and improvement, not outcome
This builds resilience, not pressure.
7. Normalize Nerves (Don’t Freak Out When They Do)
Let them know this:
“Nerves are NOT a sign of weakness, they’re adrenaline preparing your body to compete.”
This little mindset shift, from fear to fuel, makes a massive difference in their performance and confidence because it reframes the nervous response into something useful rather than scary.
Bottom Line for Wrestling Parents
Nervousness is normal. But it doesn’t have to control your kid’s performance.
You help your child by:
- Teaching control, not avoidance
- Practicing breathing and routines
- Building positive self-talk
- Staying calm yourself
- Focusing on effort instead of outcomes
When parents handle pressure well, kids perform better mentally and physically.
If you want real tools, step‑by‑step systems, and parent strategies that turn anxiety into confidence, check out the Wrestling Parent Masterclass, where we break down everything that works from science to the mat.
Go to the link: https://www.wrestlingparent.com/opt-in
Be The Best… always! (on and off the mat)
Georgi I. Ivanov
Olympian | Mentor